Reflection on The Wheat

Grain of Wheat


Jesus said, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified.  Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.  Those who love their life lose it, and those who hate their life in this world will keep this world will keep it for eternal life.  Whoever serves me must follow me, and where I am , there will my servant be also.  (See John 12:20-33 NRSV).

A few weeks ago, I went to a doctor’s appointment.  There was a lot of snow and ice around.  I had to park on the side of the street.  When I got out of my car and walked with my cane, I was stopped by the sight of a lot of snow and ice pilled up between the street and the sidewalk.  This was a very challenging moment for me, because I am on the Autistic Spectrum.  I found myself stuck in place, because I was afraid of the next step I might take.  Just then, a gentleman came along and offered to help me.  The man held me in a loving embrace, and helped me over the snow mound to the dry sidewalk on the other side.   I embraced him and said a relieving thank you.  God had come to my aid through the generosity of this stranger.  It was a very humbling experience.  It was also a teaching moment for me.  If I had remained there by myself, I would have been stuck there.  If I had tried to walk without help, I could have slipped and gotten hurt.  It was when the man reached out for me, that I had to let go and let him help me.

“Abba John gave this advice, “Watching means to sit in the cell and always be mindful of God.  This is what is meant by, ‘I was on watch and God came to me.” (Matthew 25:36)  (Desert Fathers and Mothers: Early Christian Wisdom Sayings Annotated and Explained by Christiane Valters Paintner, p.11).

In Desert spirituality the cell is a place in our interior self in which we encounter God with the best and worst of ourselves.   It can be as St. Romuald writes “Sit in your cell as in Paradise.”  It can also be an inferno.  When we see the worst of ourselves in our cells, the best thing is let God work through it with us.  If we try to escape, it will only catch up with us later.  If we pretend it isn’t there, it only becomes worse instead of better.  To find that paradise within our cells, we must let go and let God embrace us and carry us through to the other side.  Our gentle and loving Shepherd will help us get to safety.

If we want to find the true path with Jesus, we must like the grain of wheat fall and die to ourselves.  When we empty ourselves there is a “death” that occurs as we bear a lot of fruit in the mystery of God’s love for each of us.  We enter into a deep moment of Contemplative Prayer that takes us in the here and now and transforms us into true followers of Jesus.  When we let ourselves go and follow Jesus the Word, we must commit ourselves to going with Him to the Cross.  It is by Christ’s death and our own, that we have a hope of the Resurrection.

“This message of mine is for you, then, if you are ready to give up your own will, once and for all, and armed with the strong and noble weapons of obedience to do battle for the true King, Christ the Lord.” (RB 1980: The Rule of Saint Benedict in English, The Prologue, p.15).

Are there single grains of wheat in your life that you need to let go of?


Peace be with all who enter here.

Brother Anselm Philip King-Lowe, OSB-CoS

See The Community of Solitude

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Reflection on Mouth and Heart



“Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, Lord, my rock and redeemer” (Psalm 19:14.  The Common English Bible).

One day, while I was doing Lectio Divina on the words of Psalm 19:14 in The Common English Bible, I found myself disturbed by the words “and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, Lord my rock and redeemer.”  As I meditated on these words I found myself needing to reword the quote from this Psalm.   “May the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, my Lord, my rock, my redeemer; so that the words of my mouth may also be pleasing to you.”   If what I am meditating on in my heart is to be pleasing to God, then I must do what scares me the most.  I must relinquish control of what I think I know will be pleasing to God within my heart to begin with.  I must let God teach my heart what is pleasing to God.   How can I please God in the meditations of my heart, if I do not let God teach me what pleases God?

I recently began reading an incredible book entitled Desert Fathers and Mothers: Early Christian Wisdom Sayings, Annotated & Explained.  The annotations and commentary are written by Dr. Christine Valters Paintner.   As I have been thinking of what I was going to write in this blog reflection today, I came across some words that she wrote that express so beautifully, what I am writing about.

“The desert journey isn’t about embarking on a long and arduous struggle to find God at the end of the road. Desert spirituality is about looking for God right in the midst of wrestling with ourselves.  God in the heart of the struggle, and so we are to stay there with the holy presence until the treasure is revealed” (From the Introduction, p. XXIX).

If we are to embark on a mystical journey with God, then we must begin by letting go of thinking that we must have the answers for everything that is going on with us; inside and out.  Searching for union with God in the deepest recesses of our whole self, is an excursion with the God who knows us better than we know ourselves.  When we are in our cells in solitude with God, there is no pretending that our human brokenness is not there.  We must face it, and let God walk through it with us; so that we can by God’s grace, let it go.  Only then, can the meditations of our heart be pleasing to God who is our rock and redeemer; and from our mouths will come what is pleasing to God and beneficial for the world around us.

“The blessed space of quiet discernment and contemplative understanding manifests itself when we are quiet enough to listen to the still, small voice guiding our path forward” (Teresa Pasquale Mateus, Ashes and the Phoenix; Meditations for the Season of Lent, edited by Len Freeman, p56).

“Go sit in your cell, and your cell will teach your everything.” (Abba Moses).

“Listen and incline the ear of your heart” (Prologue, The Rule of Saint Benedict).

When you meditate with God in your heart, what do you hear God saying to you?


Peace be with all who enter here.

Brother Anselm Philip King-Lowe, OSB-CoS

See: The Community of Solitude

If you feel led to buy me some coffee, please scroll down to the bottom of the right sidebar and click on the Benedictine Coffee Mug.  Thank you so much.


Reflection on Carrying Crosses



“After calling the crowd together with his disciples, Jesus said to them, “All who want to come after me must say no to themselves, take up their cross, and follow me.  All who want to save their lives will lose them.  But all who lose their lives because of me and because of the good news will save them.”  (Mark 8:34-35. Common English Bible).

One day during this past week, while I was praying the Prayer Rope, I experienced an old and painful memory come to the surface.  It caused me a great amount of pain, and I found it necessary to stop for a while and let God into this space, and then continue praying as Jesus walked through the emotions of the memory with me.  There was no running away from them.  Only by giving them over in prayer, was I able to experience some kind of freedom.  I had to tell myself “no” to hanging on to it.  Until that moment, I had no idea how much of my life I “saved” that I allowed to control me.

The words of Jesus about saying no, carrying our crosses and losing our lives for the sake of the Good News are quite contradictory.  The contradiction comes with the notions of letting go, taking up to carry and letting go.  It is by letting go of the many things we cling to, taking up the crosses in our lives as they are and let God in to help us through them, and then let go again.  People who are diagnosed with some kind of cancer know all about what it is to let go of things as they were; pick up the cross of the cancer and face it as is to do what needs to be done to take care of it; then let go.   They let go, because they know just how uncertain life is.  People with cancer often teach us courage like no one else can.  Even when the moment comes that their battle is lost because of death, their courage to let go and trust God to take care of them after death is stays with us for the rest of our lives.

As contemplatives, we know that we must say no to ourselves about hanging on to things and/or pretending they are not there.  When something grabs our interior attention, the worst thing to do is to push it away or pretend it is not there.  To say no to ourselves, is to let God into those spaces and carry those crosses with Jesus, so that we can ultimately let go of the “life” we were building in our false-sense of self, to find salvation through the love of God in Christ.  It is when we let go, pick up our crosses, and surrender ourselves to God that our search for union with God makes progress.

“Renounce yourself to follow Christ.” (RB 1980: The Rule of Saint Benedict in English, p.27).

“Abba Hyperichius said, “The true service of a monk is obedience and if he has this, whatever he asks will be given him and he will stand with confidence before the Crucified.  For that was how the Lord went to his cross, being made obedient even unto death.” (Daily Readings with the Desert Fathers, p.80).

What might the Holy Spirit be asking you to let go of, to pick up your cross and let go again?


Peace be with all who enter here.

Brother Anselm Philip King-Lowe, OSB-CoS

See: The Community of Solitude

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Reflection on The Wilderness



“And the Spirit immediately drove Jesus out into the wilderness .  He was in the wilderness forty days, tempted by Satan; and he was with the wild beasts; and the angels waited on him.”  (Mark 1:12-13 NRSV).

Thomas Keating in his book The Mystery of Christ: The Liturgy as Spiritual Experience wrote the following words.

“The Biblical desert is not so much a geographical location–a place of sand, stones or sagebrush– as a process of interior purification leading to the complete liberation from the false-self system with its programs for happiness that cannot possibly work.” (p.40).

The wilderness can be a place of solitude and silence; as well as a state of prayer and contemplation.  As we spend time in our wilderness of silence and solitude, we see the best and the worst of ourselves.   Everything about us that is visible and invisible is inescapable. Thomas Merton once wrote, “For although God is right with us and in us and out of us and all through us, we have to go on journeys to find him.”  Searching for union with God includes meeting Jesus where He meets us in our temptations with God’s grace to redeem and transform us.  Amma Sarah said, “The greatest thing we can do is to throw our faults before the Lord and expect temptation to our last breath” (Daily Readings with the Desert Fathers, p.72).

When we spend some time alone with Jesus in our wildernesses of silence and solitude and pray Lectio Divina (the prayerful reading of Scripture), Contemplative and Centering Prayer,  God will always come and graciously help us along.   When we stop for a while and in silence, let God in and let go of our false-self system, Jesus will show us how to search for union with God, even when we are at our worst.

The Psalmist wrote, “Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; in you have I trusted all the day long” (Psalm 25:4 The Book of Common Prayer, p.614).  The best way to learn the truth from the God of our salvation is to spend some time with Jesus in the solitude of our wilderness and to learn from what He did as well as what He said.

“Therefore our life span has been lengthened by way of a truce, that we may amend our misdeeds.  As the Apostle says: Do you not know that the patience of God is leading you to repent (Rom 2:4)?” (RB 1980: The Rule of Saint Benedict in English, p.18).

Have you journeyed with Jesus into your wilderness lately?


Peace be with all who enter here.

Brother Anselm Philip King-Lowe, OSB-CoS

See: The Community of Solitude

If you feel led to buy me coffee, please scroll down the right side bar and click on the Benedictine Coffee mug.   Thank you so much.


Reflection on Contemplative Listening



Then a cloud overshadowed them, and from the cloud there came a voice, ‘This is my Son, the Beloved; listen to him!” (Mark 9:7 NRSV).

My blog readers know from the title of this reflection what I am going to use from The Rule of Saint Benedict.  So, here it is.

“Listen, my son, to your master’s precepts, and incline the ear of your heart.” (St. Benedict’s Rule for Monasteries, p.1).

Listening is essential to contemplative living.  To listen as a contemplative requires the seeker to be silent.  Silence in solitude opens us up to letting go of all that we cling to, so that we can “incline the ear of the heart” to hear God more clearly.

The Transfiguration is more than what is described in the Gospel texts.  It is about Jesus showing us what happens when our humanity infused with God the Incarnate Word becomes One with the God who always was and ever shall be.  The disciples’ fear in the presence of such splendor is more than understandable.  The cloud and the voice that follows what happens is for the disciples so that they may let go of their fear and hear God more clearly in Who Jesus is.

“Their exterior and interior senses were quieted by the awesomeness of the Mystery manifested by the voice out of the cloud.  Once their senses had been calmed and integrated into the spiritual experience which their intuitive faculties had perceived, peace was established throughout their whole being, and they were prepared to respond to the guidance of the Spirit.” (The Mystery of Christ: The Liturgy as Spiritual Experience by Thomas Keating, p.44).

Contemplative listening in solitude and silence makes us docile to the Holy Spirit.  It involves a surrendering of our egos and fears of what was and may be, to the God who knows us more intimately than we know ourselves.  The Transfiguration is a symbol of the magnificence of what God wants to do in us through Contemplative and Centering Prayer.  When we leave ourselves totally available to the Presence and Power of God through the vulnerability of contemplative listening, we can and will listen to God’s Beloved who tells us that in Jesus, we too are God’s beloved.

“Abba Nilas said, ‘The arrows of the enemy cannot touch one who loves quietness; but he who moves about in a crowd will often be wounded.” (Daily Readings with the Desert Fathers, p.38).

Have you spent some time in silent listening recently?


Peace be with all who enter here.

Brother Anselm Philip King-Lowe, OSB-CoS

See: The Community of Solitude

If you feel led to buy me some coffee, please click on the Benedictine Coffee mug at the bottom of the right sidebar.

Reflection on Trusting and Rejoicing



“I have trusted in your faithful love.  My heart will rejoice in your salvation.” (Psalm 13:5. Common English Bible).

Have you ever noticed how nature can do and be so many things, yet it all holds together?  Leaves change color.  Grass can be green and turn brown.  Water can be cold or warm.  Water can be calm, or water can become chaos without warning.  Snow falls, then melts.  Plants grow and wither.  Nature’s many parts and facets cooperate with each other, with a strong trust in God.

If we spend some time meditating on these words from Psalm 13, we could be drawn back through our memory to times that were unnerving and unpredictable.  There was a lot of things we once did, yet we managed to come through it to this point in time.  If the place where God has us in the here and now is in chaos, it is a moment of grace.  God is revealing God’s Self in what makes sense, and in what couldn’t make any sense if we tried.  God is calling us and loving us with a faithful love.  All God asks of us, is that we trust God.

In Contemplative Prayer, God meets us where we are and draws us through the Holy Spirit into a deeper awareness of God’s presence.  In that moment of Grace, we can see ourselves from God’s point of view.  We are in the company of the Holy One who knows us better than we know ourselves, and loves us beyond any description or conclusion.  We can trust in God’s faithful love, and rejoice in God’s salvation.  God is present to us in the here and now, and through what is happening to transform us.   What is invisible becomes tangible.  What cannot be experienced through our human senses, is closer to us than the smallest cell of our bodies.

“Listen carefully, and incline the ear of your heart.”  (Prologue of The Rule of Saint Benedict).

Abba Paul said, “Keep close to Jesus.”

Are you open to trusting God’s faithful love, and rejoicing in God’s salvation?


Brother Anselm Philip King-Lowe, OSB-CoS

See: Community of Solitude

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Reflection on Thirsting



“Just like a deer that craves streams of water, my whole being craves you, God.  My whole being thirsts for God, the living God. When will I come and see God’s face?” (Psalm 42:1,2 Common English Bible).

What do you find yourself thirsting for these days?  Peace?  Wealth? Popularity? Narcissism? Being noticed and liked?  Personal satisfaction with everything and/or everybody? Our various addictions or obsessions?

All of us in one way or live with the illusion that we need to be satisfied by something exterior.  Being satisfied is not a terrible thing, as long as we do not seek satisfaction for the sake of itself.  When what we desire to satisfy us becomes what we desire to possess for the sake of itself, that is when we are thirsting for something much deeper within our whole being.

There is something to be said for spending time in prayer while being physically hungry or thirsty.  In so doing, we fulfill the words of Jesus in His temptation. “People won’t live only by bread, but by every word spoken by God.” (Matthew 4:4 Common English Bible).  When we bring our hunger and thirst into our contemplative and/or centering prayer we acknowledge for ourselves what the Psalmist wrote. “My whole being thirsts for God, the living God.”  By letting go of all that keeps us attached with our false-sense of self, we are able to follow Jesus through the Holy Essence of God into our own essence to search and find that perfect union with God.  God’s love gives the sweetest tasting water turned into wine to satisfy our thirsting souls, and gives new life to ours.

“Prefer nothing to the love of Christ.” (St. Benedict’s Rule for Monasteries. Chapter 4: The Instruments of Good Works, p.15).

“4. The Path you must follow is in the Psalms–never leave it.” (From The Short Rule of St. Romuald).

What is it that you are thirsting for today?

Br. Anselm Philip King-Lowe, OSB-CoS

At this time, I would like to make a very exciting announcement to my blog readers.

I have just been admitted to continue my Monastic Formation with the non-canonical and ecumenical Community of Solitude.  They/we are a Benedictine-Camaldolese Community that uses the tools of Solitude, Silence, Community and Witness.  The Community follows The Rule of St. Benedict, and The Rule of St. Romauld, through the influence of the Scriptures and The Desert Mothers and Fathers.  This is why you now see the CoS designation added to the OSB following my name.

I am equally excited to inform you that this blog and my work with the Facebook group Christian Contemplation and Mysticism are now a part of my own Witness with and for the Community of Solitude.

Along with this information, I must also announce that the previous project I began called The Contemplatives of Subiaco/Order of St. Benedict including the website ends effective immediately.   It would be unethical of me to be a member of one Community while trying to establish another one to compete with the Community of Solitude.

Peace be with all who enter here.